Shit. Fuck. Damnit.

I can’t stop. I can’t get him out of my head even if I tried. It’s been non stop between the two of us and we just can’t get enough of each other. 

His face makes me lose my absolute shit, and his arms and his body and the way he looks at me with those god damn green eyes. Jesus fucking Christ. What is happening. 

He has like 3 days and 2 nights full of things planned for us to do next week and its like time is dragging on. I almost don’t wanna talk to him until then because I JUST CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE WHATEVER THIS IS.

Ew Harlow fucking cut that shit out. 

There is no time for gifs people this is a serious matter. 

Jk there’s always time for gifs ayyyy


What in the actual fuck just happened 

Ok so it’s been a while. I’ve literally had zero free time and the free time I’ve had, has been with family and friends. 


Do I have a story for you.. 

Set aside the unfortunate drama that comes with this (if you’re reading this, then stop you won’t like the details, love you and sorry again) but holy shit I’m still sore. 

 Ok so rewind.

One of my best friends got married this weekend and the groom had quite the handsome groomsmen lol one I have already slept with, one married & one with the maid of honnor,  and then one I had my eye on and one I didn’t know. Wedding was on Saturday so on Friday we went to the hall finish setting up, ordered some food and had some drinks. It was honestly just such a good time. I went there with the intention of hitting on the best man. Buuuuut. Ugh. That’s not what happened. And the person I ended up with was someone a friend of mine (whos probably gonna read this, please dont) had her eye on and the worst part is I fucking knew it. So I don’t know. I dont know ok. What happened happened and now it’s like way blown out (btw if you’re still reading this please stop before you text me all angry) 

So after all the decos are done and what not were all in the kitchen and this kitchen is paaacked and in comes this fucking guy. Nicest, stupidest eyes I’ve ever seen god damnit. Anyways, he stood there for a bit talking to the boys and then he pushed his way through this packed kitchen to come up right in my bubble and introduce himself. And that was it from there.

We all ended up having the best time and honestly laughed so hard. Fast forward were going back to the bride’s house and I know my friend is sitting there waiting for us. And I’m thinking like holy fuck, what just happened and what’s this disgusting smile on my face and how do I tell her. 

Yaddah yaddah I try to tell her and she’s not hearing it. I should mention she was bringing a date to this wedding lol not just a date but an ex she still sleeps with/partially live at his house (yes I am hoping she stopped reading lol sorry if you didn’t babe you know I love ya)

I tried to tell her. I did.

Fast forward to the morning- she was the first one awake and the minute I get down there instead of being a normal best friend she like jumps me with questions about this fucking guy that I had literally just met last night. Like stop, calm down, let a bitch have her coffee before you go throwing salt everywhere. And somewhere inside my crazy head, Satan said “game on…”

Damnit Harlow, fucking damnit.  

But the thing is.. there was no game.

Got to the wedding and went straight to the campground to grab a drink from my friends cooler and there he was runnning over saying he was so excited I was finally there.

And those fucking eyes like please kill me now. 

Ugh Kay. I had to take a break cause hes blowing up my phone and I don’t mind lol. 

So the wedding starts. Ceremony is gorgeous. Hes looking mighty fine in that suit. And I told myself don’t do it cause I turned my head and seen my friend and know how much care about her. But. Then. Satan lol. Was like well you’re into him sooo way to fuck that one up. 


Ceremony ends and there everyone is with that so in love wedding smile. The wedding party heads out to go for pictures and the rest of us go into drink. It was a blast there was sooo many of my close friends it was actually nuts. Yaddah yaddah wedding party comes back. Me and some of the girls were outside and he comes over and pretty much just charmed my pants right off. There was no fighting it at this point. So throughout the night we actually had such a good time. He was so persistent at being in my bubble and trying to make me smile I just caved. I vaguely remember lots of I need your number, please let me take you on a date and all this other shit 😂 and just way too much. I dunno.. To which I did fight by the way because that’s all personal stuff and I’m not down to let someone in like that. He was trying to hold my hand. Like no. Please don’t. Just don’t. 

(Ok I need sleep 😪)

Ok so after the wedding everyone migrated to the campground and it was fairly cold so we drank in his trailer and it was just nuts lol such a good night. But. Let’s get real here. He finally kicked everyone out and locked the door behind the last person.. 

Kay you guys. I don’t know how much I’m gonna be able to talk about it cause it still fucks me up lol. It was literally so crazy and so mind blowing. I lost track of orgasms after the fourth. Fuck. So great. 

See now I’m distracted, my mind gone. 

I dont think there’s much we didn’t do. Craziest, roughest but best 4 hours ever. And just when we thought we’d stop. Um, we wouldn’t. 

You guys.. He ate me out like a fucking queen lol. Can you ask for more? No.

Wrapped my legs around his head and he wore me like the crown I fucking am.

I’ve got bites marks like everywhere and scratches and a possible choke mark.

And his dick. Jesus Christ. Where has that been my entire single slutty summer. 

Kay I gotta drop this, the monster has been in a coma since I left there at 7am on Sunday morning and it needs to stay that way. He tried really hard to get me to sleep there and cuddle for a few hours and i tried and I just couldn’t, I’m not there yet. 

But here’s what I’m not used to. He text me the second I left. And then again when he woke up being all sweet and nice and shit. And it hasn’t stopped. And I like It? Like what the fuck is this. What just happened. Don’t tell me you cant wait to see me. Don’t tell me good morning and good night. God damnit. I’m kidding, fuck. I like it. It’s nice. Don’t stop lol. So we’re going out when he gets back 😶

You guys, what in the actual fuck just happened. 

*I will make an aftermath to my actions post but my brain really needs a break lol

Sweet Baby Yeezus. 

I’m a monster. A dick hungry monster. Why. Why the fuck do I do and say the shit that I do and sayyy when I drink. 

Regardless of looking back at last night’s Harlow, it was at hell of a night out! Best one in a long time 😂 maybe grab some popcorn, let’s see how I piece this together okurr.

*btw I’ve attempted writing this one a few times but I keep shaking my head at myself or falling asleep to recover. 

Ok so. After a day of serious self love and weekend prep and hours of make up- my favorite thing to do. That shit was bomb. Fuck me uuup. Tits out for the boys. Me and the puss were ready to go..

Get to Will’s house for some drinks. It’s always a show and we were sticking to our poor decision making and holy fuck did we ever.

Jon was passed out on the couch (great party house btw) and Seb (Wills sexy French roommate) was showering so we got to making drinks time to wake these fuckers up. The night goes by, were drinking feeling lit. Laughing my ass off. I Remember Will talking about my titties being out like crazy.  Told them to make sure they stay in check and Jon (shiiit like I just wanna see what the dick looks like ok) said he’d hold em all night if needed be. Me and 3 dicks. Tequila. We knew we were in for a wild fucking night hahaha. 

Alright shit escalates were out before going to the next place and so on. I vaguely remember lots of dick talk flirty crazy wild shit.  Pretty sure I said if I didn’t get someone decent to take home I’d take all three. 👈 who the fuck is that. Like why. Shaking my damn head at myself so much my neck hurts.

We get to the next place there’s dancing and dick and hoes everywhere more of our friends. Tequila shots being done from my cleavage.  I think there was a dick comparison between Will and Jon. I made a great judge, very hands on.

This is where it gets blurry. Well more than it already is. 

So Cayle was out too, another dick i never touched woohoo. And then there’s this tanner guy. I got him to come meet up there. I remember talking to him but that’s about it? Next thing you know I’m back at the strippers. Except it’s after hours like that place is closed, door was locked. Buddy just text someone and a minute later door opened. And boom mini party, waitresses still there place to ourselves. Like dope. So. Here. Here s where I somewhat remember kissing some chick? Bitting Wills neck. A guy I used to sleep with was there too and I woke up with a message from him? So there’s that I don’t know what happened there.

So I don’t know why I did this, but Cayle called and said let’s me up and like…. I did? So I ditched the after party. Let’s skip everything and go straight to the D. 

Unfortunately, it was smaller than I had imagined. But. He made up for it in other areas. That tongue game 👌 shit I just had the place flooded. 2 hours. 3 orgasms. 

It was fun lol seemed like he was ready to stay the night though! And i have a no sleepovers rules so I tell him he should call a cab. And this mf says “alright, let me go down while I wait”  

So that happened.  Dear lord sweet baby yeezus. 

Checked my snap before passing out and Will, Seb and Jon were still going buck wild at Wills, my hair was too fucked to go back. That and I would’ve probably try to stick one of their dicks in my mouth, if not all. Ain’t no shame ladies do yo thang. I’m gonna assume taking 3 dicks is not what Missy was referring to. 

Woke up to a message from tanner saying

“One minute you had your hands down my pants and having a good time next thing you know you’re out the door with them” 
Aaahahahahaha shit, just so grabby.

You guys.  I’ve got more. But I’m dead. And I need to pass tf out. Maybe I’ll remember more tomorrow because I’m pretty sure I spent most of today still drunk. 

For a below average dick I’m some kind of sore I’ll tell ya that. Puss better buck up before tomorrow or I’ll have to pass lol.
*I fell asleep before posting this hahah faaail.

Hot Mess.

Wtf 😂 ever look at yourself in the mirror, shake your head at yourself and your poorly made decisions? Ya. Ya I do. And I walk away laughing. Is this a problem? Guess we’ll find out. *goes to make more shit decisions* 

Did I forget to mention I may or may not have sent Spence some supper hoe pics on Saturday while he was with the boys, Luke included. (Ps. I did) Whatever it was fun.

So as this week has went by Will and I have decided were gonna be a poor decision making team and it shall be grand.  Shenanigans tomorrow. Shenanigans on Sunday. Gonna be a great long weekend folks.

So, these men.  In the last year of my relationshit. If that’s even what it was at that point. I already had my eye out there. I couldn’t help it (I didn’t cheat. But I just knew it meant something that I’d be so attracted to other men lol) ok ok i gotta stay on track. Point is, when I became single I already knew who I was going for. There’s a decent list. I’ve covered some decent ground this week.

Joly has this fiiiine ass roommate.  She’s always had fine ass roommates (gonna ride the one she had before too) so I finally get to do that 😏 tall and covered in tattoos. How do you not.

Men are easy. Like sooooo easy. Forgot how easy they were ahahaha. Ah gonna be a fun weekend. 
Fuck k. I should probably tell you guys I might partially be a little homewrecky with Spencer. I could explain it all and it’d be like me making excuses. Ok just one excuse- in all fairness when the little Spencer and I thing started again she had moved out 😞 ….. it gets worse. 

We were talking about weekend plans, said I was drinking at Wills yaddah yaddah asked him what he was doing. Guess their having a huge bbq fire for her birthday. So.. there’s that lol.

And then.

He says he might ditch later and meet up. 

And then. And. Fucking. Then.

You know what I say? 

“I’m game.” Am I completely just fucked? Who am I. This is off to a bad start isnt it. There’s plenty more sooooo maaaaaybe I shouldn’t?

Dumb Harlow. So dumb…. *walks away laughing* 


(OK you guys this was a longer one that I thought it would be)

Sunday morning. Suns coming up. I look over at Spencer and wonder wtf did I just do all night 😂

Let’s back track okay. 

Just moved into a new place, everything was getting settled and pretty looking on Saturday and I decided imma have people over. Gonna drank. Gonna get some dick don’t matter who. Invited a few people but it was the fights or some shit so all the boys were going to one of our friends house. Was gonna go. Hoe it up. Buuuut of course mister Luke was there. So fuck it I stuck with my plan of having drinks at the new place.

Cool, cool, cool.

So I go get Will (were best friends nothings ever really happened so no, no dicking from that ok, although I bet he’d be great and he does got a nice dick- don’t ask) few of the girls come over errthang lit.

I get a message from Spencer, one of my soon to be SD’S. We used to have a thing back in the day where we’d do a lot of drugs and do god knows what 😞 Kay, Kay back on track Harlow. He’s saying ya I’m down for drinks but I’m going to what’s his face to watch the fights I’ll come after. 

Cool, cool, cool.

I’ve mentioned everyone knows everyone and we all friends right? 😂

He send me another saying Dylan picked him up and he’s actually with Luke, feels a little bad to ditch to go fuck his old lady’s brains out but then remembered he didn’t care. 

I fucking died

Like yas Spencer come fuck my brains out with that majestic sword of a dick you got. 

So anyways my place is a great time, so dope. Fights are over and Dylan drops off Spencer here but I guess not before telling him to go home when Will goes home.. 

Jokes on Dylan (he’s my bestie but hates when I fuck/date his friends- not sorry) Will promised me any bad shit I did would stick between us. Dope. Let’s get wild. Chateau Harlow was lit.

Don’t judge, or do. I don’t give a fuuuck. Spencer brought some party treats and it had been yeaaars since I touched it but fuck it let’s get high and fuck all night once people leave.

Fast forward.

So this was my first anything with anyone since the break up. And as much as my vagina was ready I donno if I was. 

Next thing you know we’re in my hallway, I’m on my knees. And then I wasn’t so nervous anymore 😂 he really does have a great dick, definitely missed it. 

From the hallway, to the couch, the bedroom, this random ass chair, against the wall. With party treats in between. He choked me just right know what i mean. My bed was a mess of clothes and water bottles and I almost flooded it. Good job Spencer. Was a great fucking time. Literally. 

Ugh I coulda done that all day. Buuuut I kicked him out at about 6am. No sleeping over. 

Woke up with some bruised up titties and neck and I guess his back is just scratched right up. So no leaving the house for me haha 

Point of the story. No regret. That dick 💣
He wants to come over soon but I’ll wait it out and go see what the next one is like before I go back. 

Sunday be like:

Who dis 

OK.  So, I’ve been on the tinder, snapchat, down in the dms inappropriate bandwagon. And I don’t mind, it’s been fun. Single is so fun. I can’t imagine going back to a life of only one person and I’m not even that far into my being single. I’m sure the excitement of getting back out there will die down, or maybe it won’t who knows 😇 5 years man, 5 years. 5 years of boring dick, 5 years of bullshit arguments and bullshit excuse for make up sex. 

I’m gonna go on a dick spree. I have a few lined up. Is that bad to say? Meh who cares. I have a few lined up

Most of the men around here are bad choices but great dick, which works out great for me! Downfall- everyone knows everyone and I’m sure whoevers dick I have in my mouth will somehow make it’s way back to Lucas (ex fiance) so I’m gonna try to keep it as low key as possible. Wish me luck cause I think I’m already off to a bad start 😂 

So do I talk about last night/this morning or wait a day for my brains not to be scrambled.  


Listen Linda, listen.

I wanna get to the good stuff, I do, don’t get me wrong. But ya’ll gotta know the basic stuff first right? So I’ll jot it down as quick as I can. And if I miss anything and you’re confused, then who cares just keep reading! 🤗 Or ask, that works too. 

1. This. This is gonna be about my sexcapades (amongst other things too I’m sure)

2. Just got out of a HALF A DAMN DECADE relationship. I say half a decade instead of 5 years cause I’m all that is extra. Been trying to leave for a while, it was bad. Ever seen Dane Cooke do the “but my cds are in his truck!?”  

3. I feel like this will not be for virgin eyes and ears. And if it this then I have failed my vagina. 

4. Kay can’t we just get to the good stuff?